Rewrite the following memo. In revising the memo, first identify the purpose of

Question

Rewrite the following memo. In revising the memo, first identify the purpose of the document and distinguish the essential information included (e.g., the points or expressions that are necessary to maintain the memo’s clarity and coherence, in contrast to elements of the memo that can be eliminated).

Next, identify specific areas in need of improvement according to the protocols for conveying information outlined in this lesson’s reading.

What parts of the memo lack professionalism or use an inappropriate tone? Does the memo stray from its topic or in other ways threaten to confuse a reader? Is the memo written as concisely as possible? Could its language or grammar be improved?

Eliminate these problems in composing your revision.

TO: Everyone FROM: Dave, Manager, Logistics DATE: June 6, 2013 SUBJECT: Policies Our department has a new policy that you’ll all need to start following. If you don’t follow it, you could get fired. So, consider this a fair warning. The policy has to do with cursing in front of customers and primarily concerns delivery drivers, salespersons, and other personnel who engage with the public. This used to be a thing that we just assumed that everybody would do on their own, but then there was that incident with Neal and Stan a few months ago, which spooked corporate, so now it’s official. Policy This policy will be added to next year’s employee handbook, but it’s effective immediately (starting June 6, 2013). It’s policy number 247-9a. “Drivers and other delivery personnel serve as the proverbial ‘face’ of the Exington Corporation. With that in mind, all employees falling into this category must maintain professional standards of language decorum at all times, particularly when interacting with the general public. Offensive speech--whether in the form of homophobic, racist, misogynistic, bigoted, or simply “foul” language--will not be tolerated.” Training To certify that employees follow the new policy, a series of training seminars will take place in the following weeks. June 20 for Salespersons. June 21 for delivery drivers. And 6/25 for all other Logistics employees. At this training you’ll receive some explanation of the new policy, its value, and how it contributes to the continued success of Exington. You’ll also have the chance to ask questions. Jane Goodwell from H. R. will be there to answer any questions that you might have. Please let me know if you can make it to the training sessions.

Also let me know if you have any questions. Dave Thompson

Explanation / Answer

Revised memo:

I am writing this memo to inform you that our department has introduced a new policy to improve our customer relations. The policy is about avoiding offensive speech with the customers and is primarily for salespersons, delivery drivers and other logistics personnel of Exington Corporation. We initially thought that everybody will treat the customers politely and will do on their own but this didn’t happen. This policy was devised after the incident that Neal and Stan had with the customer a few months back. The management is considering this issue seriously and strictly expects that everybody complies with the new policy. I am also warning that employees who do not comply with the new policy will be at the risk of losing your jobs.
This policy 247-9a takes immediate effect starting June 6, 2013 and will be included in the employee handbook in the next year. Exington Corporation relies on delivery personnel and drivers as they form the proverbial face. The policy aims to bring professional standards among all the employees to maintain decorum in language interacting with the customers and the general public at all times. All sorts of offensive speech in any form including racist, homophobic, bigoted, misogynistic or foul language are prohibited with this policy and will not be tolerated. Policy certificate training for employees will commence in the following weeks. The training seminar schedule is included below

This training will be useful for you to get knowledge on the new policy and its contribution to adding value and overall success of Exington. You will receive a full explanation of the new policy in the training sessions. Jane Goodwell from H.R will answer your queries regarding the new policy. I request your approval and presence in the training sessions by acknowledging this memo about your participation.
If you have any further queries, kindly let me know.
Dave Thompson.

S.No Employee Category Date 1 Salesperson June 20 2 Delivery drivers June 21 3 Logistics employees June 25

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