can someone give me a detailed feedback on this letter? and how i can improve it
ID: 392173 • Letter: C
Question
can someone give me a detailed feedback on this letter? and how i can improve it?
I am writing in response to your posting for the NASA's Pathways Intern Program on JobsUSA.com. I would like to be considered for the administrative student trainee position in the Logistics and Technology Information Division located in the Center Operations Directorate at the NASA Glenn Research Center in Cleveland, OH. I believe that my educational focus in technical communications, clerical skills and previous experience in the transportation industry make me an excellent candidate for this position.
Currently I am working toward a bachelor’s degree in technical communications at University of Houston-Downtown and I intend to continue my study in this field to receive a master’s degree. Through the course of my academic endeavors I have gained experience working on team projects using collaborative and presentational software like Google Docs and PowerPoint, most recently in a philosophy-ethics course.
My resume does not reflect all my work history. I also worked at large and medium sized corporations, mostly in the Oil and Gas Industry, for contract agencies where I developed clerical and various software skills. One of my long-term assignments was assistant to the head secretary of the legal department under the vice president at Marathon Oil Corporation. It was there I assisted with time-sensitive financial filings to the federal government (annual and quarterly reports) and provided clerical support. Later I worked as an office manager for a small auditing firm that negotiated new utility fees for cities nationally. There I was in constant communication with mayors and city secretaries and assisted in proposal writing and rewriting city ordinances, also time-sensitive materials. In both positions I was responsible for travel arrangements and itineraries, as well as, conference and meeting preparations.
Please find my resume included with this letter and online application. I look forward to hearing back from you to discuss the administrative student trainee position further. Please leave a message at uhd.19232@gator.edu
Sincerely,
Melanie Hale
Explanation / Answer
Below is a detailed feedback on the letter in bullet points –
“My resume does not reflect all my work history” statement can be modified to “To elaborate on my work experience apart from the resume”
We can further discuss on my work experience in detail if I would be given a chance to talk to you. Please find my resume included with this letter and online application. Please leave a message at uhd.19232@gator.edu.
Looking forward to hearing from you.
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