Using the expert writing techniques described in this chapter, revise each of th
ID: 386144 • Letter: U
Question
Using the expert writing techniques described in this chapter, revise each of the below sentences, using the stated technique, to read more professionally.
Audience Benefits and the “You” View
Your Task: Revise the following sentence to emphasize the perspective of the audience and the “you” view.
Our strict safety policy forbids us from renting power equipment to anyone who cannot demonstrate proficiency in its use.
New Statement:
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Conversational but Professional
Your Task: Revise the following to make the tone conversational yet professional.
Kindly be informed that it is necessary for you to designate the model number of the appliance before we can submit your order.
New Statement:
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Positive and Courteous Expression
Your Task: Revise the following statement to make them more positive and courteous.
As team leader, you apparently failed to remember that you have already assigned me two gigantic and complex research tasks, and now you have dumped another big job on me - one that I can’t possibly begin until after I finish the other jobs.
New Statement:
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Bias-Free Language
Your Task: Revise the following sentence to reduce bias (e.g., gender, racial, ethnic, age, disability).
Media Moguls hired Charissa Love, and African American, for the position of social media coordinator.
New Statement:
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Plain Language and Familiar Words
Your Task: Revise the following sentence to use plain language and familiar words.
Although the remuneration seems low, it is commensurate with other pay packages.
New Statement:
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Precise, Vigorous Words
Your Task: From the choices in parentheses, select the most precise, vigorous word.
The operations manager demanded a (substantial, 20 percent, big) reduction in staff travel expenditures.
Selected Word:
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Explanation / Answer
As per our safety standards and to ensure the welfare of our customers, we do not rent our power equipment to anyone who is not proficient in its use
Would request you to kindly designate the model number of the appliance before your order can be submitted.
I have already been assigned to the research of two major tasks, which has strained my bandwidth to a great extent. However, recently you have assigned an additional major task to me which at this point of time would be very difficult for me to allocate time to. Hence, would request you to assign a separate resource for this additional task.
Adding to their diversity, Charissa Love has been hired for the position of the social media coordinator by Media Moguls.
Although the pay appears to be low, it is as per the current industry standards.
The operations manager demanded a substantial reduction in staff travel expenditures.
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