Attachment theory has to be one of my favorite theories to discuss. As John Bowl
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Question
Attachment theory has to be one of my favorite theories to discuss. As John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth wrote, this theory posits that the types of attachments we make as a child with our immediate caregivers influences the types of attachments (i.e., friendships, romantic relationships) we make as an adults. In some ways the theory seems rather obvious. Seems to make sense, no?
Some examples: If we were raised by a loving, accepting family, we prefer and expect to be with others that show us the same kind of dynamics. Likewise, if we were raised in an emotionally or physically abusive family attachment theory believes that we are prone to believe that our thoughts or feelings are irrelevant. In a sense, no use talking about our thoughts/feelings, since no one listens to them anyway.
We may also develop an expectation of other people as well. If we were raised by people who value and care for us, we develop an assumption that, generally, people are good and caring. Likewise, if we are raised by those who abuse us, we may assume that others, even later on in life, may be just as cold or careless.
Take some time to review this theory. After you read about it, answer the following questions:
1). What do you think about attachment theory? Does it make sense to you...as in, do you think this approach is correct? Could our early dynamics in our home really stick with us up through adulthood???
2). Do you think that your experiences early in life have impacted the way you view others and the way you view relationships now? In other words, do this theory have any validity in yourexperiences?
3) Which of Baumrind's four parenting styles best describes how you were parented? How has this type of parenting affected your life? Which style do you think would produce the healthiest child?
Explanation / Answer
Attachment styles are deeply rooted in one's childhood. Attachment styles depend on how a child responds to a parent and the bond that they share. For instance, a young woman finds out that her boyfriend has been hiding from her a sexual fetish and he has been watching porn of this sexual nature. He said he wouldn't watch it anymore and that she helped him through it, but she knows he's still attracted to it and she will still have issues with it. It has caused her to rebel a lot lately, and she really loves him and only wants him but the sheer anger almost makes her want to cheat just to get back at him. A lot of times she gets irrationally angry and hurt towards him and she really thinks this is the underlying issue. Prior to this discovery, he has made her insecure about her weight and looks because she is a short dark haired girl, and he normally prefers tall blondes or redheads. He checks out other girls in front of her sometimes, which makes her really upset because it is this underlying message that she is not what gets him off. He tells her all the time how attractive she is, but she still has this pain underneath it all.
The young woman here has characteristics of ambivalent attachment. It is a type of an insecure attachment style where an individual worries about their partner not loving them. It is a nagging feeling which arises from low self-esteem and insecurity of a partner leaving. Researches show that children who exhibit characteristics of an ambivalent attachment style often show displeasure and throw tantrums when their parents are not available for them. This leads them to be insecure and makes them fear that they'll leave them and never come back. The young girl has an insecure pattern of attachment which affects her understanding of a romantic relationship suggests validity of Bowlby's theory.
Yes, childhood experiences shape one's personality through different types of attachments styles.
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