10.2 Document for Analysis: Persuasive Message Flowing Upward Re: Importing T-Sh
ID: 359666 • Letter: 1
Question
10.2 Document for Analysis: Persuasive Message Flowing Upward Re: Importing T-Shirts From China
(L.O. 1–3)
In the following message, Luke tries to convince his boss, the vice president of marketing, that their organization could save money by importing T-shirts from China. However, his message could be improved by employing several strategies for persuasion.
Your Task Analyze the following e-mail and list its weaknesses. Then, please revise the message.
To: Bryanna Mazzetta <bryanna@worldclasstrainer.com>
From: Luke Downey <luke@worldclasstrainer.com>
Subject: Possible Chance for Saving Money
We always try our best to meet customers and sell Worldclass Trainer equipment at numerous trade shows. But instead of expanding our visits to these trade shows, the company continues to cut back the number that we attend. And we have fewer staff members attending. I know that you have been asking us to find ways to reduce costs, but I don't think we are going about it right.
With increased airfare and hotel costs, my staff has tried to find ways to live within our very tight budget. Yet, we are being asked to find other ways to reduce our costs. I'm currently thinking ahead to the big Las Vegas trade show coming up in September.
One area where we could make a change is in the gift that we give away. In the past we have presented booth visitors with a nine-color T-shirt that is silk-screened and gorgeous. But it comes at a cost of $23 for each and every one of these beauties from a top-name designer.
To save money, I suggest that we try a $6 T-shirt made in China, which is reasonably presentable. It's got our name on it, and, after all, folks just use these shirts for workouts. Who cares if it is a fancy silk-screened T-shirt or a functional Chinese one that has “Worldclass Trainer” plastered on the chest? Because we give away 2,000 T-shirts at our largest show, we could save big bucks by dumping the designer shirt. But we have to act quickly. I'm sending a cheap one for you to see.
Let me know what you think.
Luke
[Full contact information]
Explanation / Answer
Weakness of the message are as follows-
1.Subject matter is not clear where it says 'possible chance to save money"
2. Luke is not talking of the main matter at the outset which is to import the t shirts from China instead he is listing down cost cutting options which are not directly related to procurement of tshirts
Revised Message
Subject: Procuring Tshirts from China which could reduce costs significantly.
We always try our best to meet customers and sell Worldclass Trainer equipment at numerous trade shows. I would suggest we should try a $6 T-shirt made in China, which is presentable and has got our name on it.The T- shirt would be useful for folks who workout. It is a fancy silk-screened T-shirt and might not be as good as a functional Chinese one that has “Worldclass Trainer” plastered on the chest but then we will give away 2,000 T-shirts at our largest show, we could save big money by dumping the designer shirt.
The t shirt procurement exercise will save us lot of cost as in the past we have presented booth visitors with a nine-color T-shirt that is silk-screened and gorgeous. But it comes at a cost of $23 for each and every one of these beauties from a top-name designer. As a result we have had to cut back our expenses and have had to cut down our visits instead of expanding to trade shows, the company continues to cut back the number that we attend. And we have fewer staff members attending. I know that you have been asking us to find ways to reduce costs, but I don't think we are going about it right.
With increased airfare and hotel costs, my staff has tried to find ways to live within our very tight budget. Yet, we are being asked to find other ways to reduce our costs. I'm currently thinking ahead to the big Las Vegas trade show coming up in September.
One area where we could make a change is in the gift that we give away. I'm sending a one sample unit for you to see. We will have to act quickly.
Please let me know what you think and how can we proceed further.
Luke
[Full contact information]
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