It is often the case that the dying person would like to talk more freely about

Question

It is often the case that the dying person would like to talk more freely about dying with family and friends. The dying person may have an "open awareness" about dying but the family may have a "closed awareness". In Dr. Kubler-Ross' book entitled On Death and Dying she describes the stages that a dying person goes through. What impact does the family and friends have on the dying person's ability to move through these stages of dying? Does the family's discomfort about talking about death hinder the dying person openly talking about death and moving through these stages? Do you have any personal experience to share regarding this?

Explanation / Answer

The impact on family and friends in case death or terminal illness of their loved ones have to face these stages of grief just as the dying person himself have to go through, that are acronym as DABDA which is Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.

Family’s discomfort about talking of death stops the dying person to openly talk about the death? – A few psychologists such as Professor Robert J. Kastenbaum have come to a conclusion that it differs from culture to culture. Some celebrate death and many mourn it. But it doesn’t remain the same in all cultures around the world.

Also, on the other hand, This is not in human nature to accept the finality of death. We do leave a door open for some hope. Therefore, It is not enough to listen only to the overt verbal communications of the dying person. But the family’s discomfort of talks about deaths with the dying person also depends on the stage of DABDA. If the person is in the denial, anger or bargaining period, he himself may not prefer to talk about death. As soon as acceptance level is met for both the family and the dying person, it may provide free flow of thoughts about death among people that may involve a lot of emotional sense and sharing too.

I have recently faced the death of my grandmother, I, though couldn’t see her denial, anger and bargaining period as she didn’t die of any illness but her death was caused naturally due to old age. I saw her in her acceptance level since very long till her death. She died in peace.

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