Editing Challenge --- 4 This message transmits a suggestion from an employee to

Question

Editing Challenge --- 4 This message transmits a suggestion from an employee to her boss. However, the message suffers from proofreading, wordiness, spelling, punctuation, and other writing faults that require correction. YOUR TASK. Edit the following message (a) by correcting errors in your textbook or on a photocopy using proofreading marks from appendix A or (b) by downloading the message from the premium website at www.cengagebrain.com and correcting at your computer. Your instructor may show you a possible solution. ______________________________________________________________________________ To: Daniel R. Kesling Daniel.kesling@federalsavings.com From: Misty McKenneymisty.mckenney@federalsavings.com Subject: My Idea Cc: Bcc: _____________________________________________________________________________________ Mr. Kesling, Due to the fact that you recently asked for ideas on how to improve customer relations I am submitting my idea. This message is to let you know that I think we can improve customer satisfaction easy by making a change in our counters. Last June glass barriers were installed at our branch. There are tellers on one side and customers on the other. The barriers, however, do have air vents to be able to allow we tellers to carry on communication with our customers. Management thought that these bullet proof barriers would prevent and stop thiefs from jumping over the counter. I observed that there were customers who were surprised by these large glass partitions. Communication through them is really extremely difficult and hard. Both the customer and the teller have to raise their voices to be heard. Its even more of a inconvenience when you are dealing with an elderly person or someone who happens to be from another country. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, these new barriers make customers feel that they are being treated impersonal. I made an effort to research the matter of these barriers and made the discovery that we are the only bank in town with them. There are many other banks that are trying casual kiosks and open counters to make customers feel more at home. Although it may be easier said than done, I suggest that we actually give serious consideration to the removal of these barriers as as a beginning and initial step toward improving customer relations Misty McKenney_______________________________________________________________________ E-mail: misty.mckenney@federalsavings.com Support Services (316) 448-3910 Editing Challenge --- 4 This message transmits a suggestion from an employee to her boss. However, the message suffers from proofreading, wordiness, spelling, punctuation, and other writing faults that require correction. YOUR TASK. Edit the following message (a) by correcting errors in your textbook or on a photocopy using proofreading marks from appendix A or (b) by downloading the message from the premium website at www.cengagebrain.com and correcting at your computer. Your instructor may show you a possible solution. ______________________________________________________________________________ To: Daniel R. Kesling Daniel.kesling@federalsavings.com From: Misty McKenneymisty.mckenney@federalsavings.com Subject: My Idea Cc: Bcc: _____________________________________________________________________________________ Mr. Kesling, Due to the fact that you recently asked for ideas on how to improve customer relations I am submitting my idea. This message is to let you know that I think we can improve customer satisfaction easy by making a change in our counters. Last June glass barriers were installed at our branch. There are tellers on one side and customers on the other. The barriers, however, do have air vents to be able to allow we tellers to carry on communication with our customers. Management thought that these bullet proof barriers would prevent and stop thiefs from jumping over the counter. I observed that there were customers who were surprised by these large glass partitions. Communication through them is really extremely difficult and hard. Both the customer and the teller have to raise their voices to be heard. Its even more of a inconvenience when you are dealing with an elderly person or someone who happens to be from another country. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, these new barriers make customers feel that they are being treated impersonal. I made an effort to research the matter of these barriers and made the discovery that we are the only bank in town with them. There are many other banks that are trying casual kiosks and open counters to make customers feel more at home. Although it may be easier said than done, I suggest that we actually give serious consideration to the removal of these barriers as as a beginning and initial step toward improving customer relations Misty McKenney_______________________________________________________________________ E-mail: misty.mckenney@federalsavings.com Support Services (316) 448-3910 Editing Challenge --- 4 This message transmits a suggestion from an employee to her boss. However, the message suffers from proofreading, wordiness, spelling, punctuation, and other writing faults that require correction. YOUR TASK. Edit the following message (a) by correcting errors in your textbook or on a photocopy using proofreading marks from appendix A or (b) by downloading the message from the premium website at www.cengagebrain.com and correcting at your computer. Your instructor may show you a possible solution. ______________________________________________________________________________ To: Daniel R. Kesling Daniel.kesling@federalsavings.com From: Misty McKenneymisty.mckenney@federalsavings.com Subject: My Idea Cc: Bcc: _____________________________________________________________________________________ Mr. Kesling, Due to the fact that you recently asked for ideas on how to improve customer relations I am submitting my idea. This message is to let you know that I think we can improve customer satisfaction easy by making a change in our counters. Last June glass barriers were installed at our branch. There are tellers on one side and customers on the other. The barriers, however, do have air vents to be able to allow we tellers to carry on communication with our customers. Management thought that these bullet proof barriers would prevent and stop thiefs from jumping over the counter. I observed that there were customers who were surprised by these large glass partitions. Communication through them is really extremely difficult and hard. Both the customer and the teller have to raise their voices to be heard. Its even more of a inconvenience when you are dealing with an elderly person or someone who happens to be from another country. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, these new barriers make customers feel that they are being treated impersonal. I made an effort to research the matter of these barriers and made the discovery that we are the only bank in town with them. There are many other banks that are trying casual kiosks and open counters to make customers feel more at home. Although it may be easier said than done, I suggest that we actually give serious consideration to the removal of these barriers as as a beginning and initial step toward improving customer relations Misty McKenney_______________________________________________________________________ E-mail: misty.mckenney@federalsavings.com Support Services (316) 448-3910

Explanation / Answer

Subject: Idea proposed in order to improve customer relations.

Dear Daniel,

This is reference to the idea in order to improve customer relations, I believe that a change in our counters we can actually improve the cuetomer satisfaction factor of our business and this is fair and logical as well. The glass bariiers that were installed at the branch last June is actually serving as a barrier to communication where tellers and customers are both on the different side of the galss wall and the wall is bullet proof and it was constructed as a security measure to prevent theft and burglary.

These partitions actually surprised customers to some extent because it not only made the communication difficult but also made the customers think differently were they assumed that these barriers are actually misleading. The customers and the tellers both had to raise their voice than the normal in order to communicate and the process becomes difficult when the customer is an elderly person or from a different country altogether.

After quite a research and analysis, it was clear that we are the only banks that are using such bariiers and this is making customers feel very much unwanted which should not be the case and we actually need to think of removing these barriers and think of an alternative solution for security.

Sincerely

Misty McKenney_______________________________________________________________________

E-mail: misty.mckenney@federalsavings.com

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