please peer review this post : In researching food allergies and the prevalence

Question

please peer review this post :

In researching food allergies and the prevalence that it has concerning young children I discovered that nearly 6 million or 8% of children have a food allergy, and that it affects young children the most. It was interesting to learn that boys develop food allergies more than girls. Food allergies may be a trigger for or associated with other allergic conditions, such as atopic dermatitis 9 and eosinophilic gastrointestinal diseases. Food allergies to certain foods such as wheat, eggs milk, and soy are resolving slower than in previous years. According to the CDC, “The prevalence of food allergies and associated anaphylaxis appears to be on the rise. In 2008, the CDC reported an 18 percent increase in food allergy among children between 1997 and 2007. According to a study released in 2013 by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, food allergies among children increased approximately 50% between 1997 and 2011. The economic cost of children’s food allergies is nearly $25 billion per year.” I learned that Eight foods account for 90% of all food-allergic reactions: milk, eggs, peanuts, tree nuts (e.g., walnuts, almonds, cashews, pistachios, pecans), wheat, soy, fish, and shellfish. Some precautions that should be taken regarding food allergies are: Shop carefully, read labels when you are buying package food, label groceries safe or unsafe, wash your hands to avoid contamination, and use separate utensils just to name a few.   

https://www.foodallergy.org/sites/default/files/migrated-files/file/facts-stats.pdf

https://www.webmd.com/allergies/safe-cooking-food-allergies

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/12/14/AR2010121403560.html

Explanation / Answer

1. Requires a title, it will tell the readers what is the crux of the reveiw. It is not clear wether you just wanted to present the facts or use those facts to convey a message or solution to the problem. For example, 'prevalence of food allergy is higher in boys compared to girls' this is a fact, a sentence or two explaining/deducting the reason and the way to tackle this might be useful.

2. One of the important point is that you should always specify the demographics of the study. Which country the study population was carried out? This information has a bigger implication in formulating the solution for the problem. Food allergy in Indian population for example will have a different implication than in a developed country like USA.

3. It appears you have used the same sentence from the reference number 1. That accounts for plagiarism.

4. You should number the 'refereces' and mark them in the main text. Its always good to use scientific articles (peer reveiwed articles) as references rather than news/magazine articles.

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