Read the topic, thesis, outline, and essay developed on the presented topic. Use
ID: 1765903 • Letter: R
Question
Read the topic, thesis, outline, and essay developed on the presented topic. Use the following questions to guide your assessment of this essay. Respond to one of your classmates analysis of this essay.
Topic: Steps through which the tourism industry in Antigua and Barbuda can be revitalized.
Thesis: The tourism industry in Antigua and Barbuda can be revitalized by enhancing and beautifying all ports of entries, and by the introduction of new marketing strategies.
Topic
Topic Sentence
Enhancing Ports of Entries
An important component of tourism in any country is the beautification at the main ports of entries.
Introducing new Marketing Strategies
New marketing strategies would have a positive impact on the tourism industry
There are several steps through which the tourism industry in Antigua and Barbuda can be revitalized, these steps includes the dredging and beautifying of the main cruise ships entrance in St John’s, beautifying all other ports of entries, and by transforming these Ports into duty free shopping areas.
The tourism sector in Antigua and Barbuda have been plagued by the decline of visitor arrivals to the country due to the depth of our main docking facility at the Heritage Quay area. This harbor is in need of dredging for the allowance of larger mega ships which are now the main cruise liners in the World. On several occasions these ships have been differed to other Caribbean counties causing a further decline to in our tourism industry. There is also a need for repairs and maintenance to all other ports of entries as this will help to enhance our tourism product. We can now boast of our new International Airport which is all part of transforming the country into a great tourism destination.
The island of St Martin which would be considered one of the smallest in the Caribbean can boast of a larger visitor influx than that of Antigua and Barbuda due to their island wide duty free shopping. We may not be able to have the entire country duty free but what we could introduce is duty free at strategic parts of the country such as the English Harbour Area which is home to the Antigua Sailing Week Regatta held between April and May, Antigua Charter Yacht Show held in December and the just concluded Talisker Whisky Atlantic Challenge which are all annual events. The Talisker Whisky Atlantic Challenge was a historical event for us this year as our very own Team Wadadli rowers secured places in the Guinness book of World Record as the first Caribbean nationals, the oldest person and the first person of African American to ever cross the Atlantic while rowing.
With all these measures taking into consideration the revitalizing of the tourism industry in Antigua and Barbuda will most certainly see a growth in the future building it to the great powerhouse of the Caribbean that it should be.
Use the following questions to guide your assessment of this essay. Does the assignment reflect a sound interpretation of the question asked?
Does the thesis presented here answer the question? Why do you say so? Does the thesis reflect process terms? How would you rewrite this thesis to reflect process?
Is the thesis statement presented in the introductory paragraph? Is the introductory paragraph effective? Does it provide adequate background before presenting the thesis statement?
Are the main points clearly presented in the thesis statement?
Are the points clear? Or are they cluttered?
Is each topic sentence complete? ( look at sentence structure, grammar, capitalization, punctuation, type of sentence)
Were main points used to generate sensible topic sentences?
Are topic sentences explicitly related to the sub topics?
Does each body paragraph begin with a topic sentence? Does each topic sentence include sequence or steps/
Does the rest of the paragraph explain and develop the point raised in each topic sentence?
How is each paragraph developed? Did the writer make use of transitional words which signify a process? Does it include research, statistics, or facts?
Is there a concluding paragraph? Does it summarize the main points in the essay?
What about the references; do they meet all the APA requirements? Are there missing elements in the references? What adjustments are required to ensure the references are written correctly using the latest version of APA?
What two (2) changes you would make to improve this assignment? Please state reasons for the stated changes.
Topic
Topic Sentence
Enhancing Ports of Entries
An important component of tourism in any country is the beautification at the main ports of entries.
Introducing new Marketing Strategies
New marketing strategies would have a positive impact on the tourism industry
Explanation / Answer
The assignment reflects a sound interpretation of the question asked as it clearly focuses on the main components which would be productive in revitalizing the tourism industry of Antigua and Barbuda.
The thesis presented here definitely answers the question. It gives a brief review into both the main strategies which could be used for revitalising the tourism industry. It focuses on both the beautification of main ports of entries and introducing new market strategies ( introducing duty free shops at strategic parts of the country).
The thesis does not reflect the process terms. In order to include the process terms in the thesis various components may be included in the thesis such as:
1) Process Flow Chart
2) Root cause analysis
3) Workflow diagram
The thesis statement is presented in the introductory paragraph. Introductory paragraph does not seem very effective as it should give a brief insight of the steps required for revitalizing the tourism industry. It also needs to provide background information about the problems with the tourism industry in Antigua and Barbuda.
Thesis statement provides sufficient information about the main points which are included in the summary.
Points are clear though they can be written in different subheads explaining both the components properly.
Topic sentences seems complete.
The main points are used to generate sensible topic sentences.
Sub topics include relevant information on the topics. Hence topic sentences are very well though not expicility related to the sub topics.
Body paragraph does not begin with a topic sentence which makes it a little confusing for readers. The topic sentence does not include sequence/steps.
Paragraphs do explain the points raised in each topic sentence though more information about the problems and measures which could be taken can be provided.
The writer does not make use of translational words which signify a process. The problems and measures are mentioned briefly. Description of the process involved for achieving the outcome is not there. It is also missing the research, statistics and figures which makes it very common and not a very well worked thesis. The facts, figures and statistics depicted in the thesis makes it more lively and interesting for the readers.
Concluding paragraph is not provided in the thesis which makes it a little incomplete. The main points in the passage needs to be summarised in the concluding paragraph to make the thesis effective and to create a clear picture in the minds of the reader.
References are not provided with the thesis . It is a very essential information in any analysis and hence needs to be provided. References needs to meet the APA requirements. Various online tools are available which may help in citing the references complying with APA requirements.
The changes which I would make to improve the assignment are:
1) Stastics, figures and facts needs to be included to get a proper insight into the problem with the tourism industry of Antigua and Barbuda.
2) Concluding paragraph containing a proper summary of the points discussed in the thesis needs to be added. This will make the thesis complete and effective.
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